Working on your Tricky Person relationship
We are always communicating and working on our relationships – it is a forever job. Be safe in the knowledge that your Tricky Person relationship can change. What do you want it to be? Just aim to take baby steps in the right direction.
If your Tricky Person is a child or a teen and it is tough to do that right now some baby steps with baby shoes might help. Get out the pictures of them in baby shoes, before school pressure or hormones or friend issues or mental health problems became such a huge part of your relationship. Remember the heart-to-heart unconditional love connection that you had then. Your child or teen is still the same person underneath.
And if your Tricky Person is a partner or ex or colleague or friend then remember the fun times, the good times.
My Tricky Teen Relationship under the Microscope.
In the Heartful Mum Programme I share what happened in my coaching when I put my Tricky Teen relationship under the microscope. This is obviously biased to a mum/teen relationship, but the principles apply across all relationships. I could sum up the 3 key learnings from this exercise, that have totally transformed our relationship as…………
Key Learning One – LET GO OF CONTROLLING.
Step into your Tricky Person’s map of the world from a place of love and really understand it. Walk yourself through a typical day with your Tricky Person – where does it feel gripey or out of alignment? Work on empowering not controlling and break down the obstacle of your perfectionism by changing your expectations.
A happy Teen is much more important than an A*, A good relationship with your ex is more important than who gets the stuff, A positive working relationship with your boss is more important than them responding to every email immediately……..
Key Learning Two – GO DEEP WITH YOUR VALUES/ EXPECTATIONS.
This was a real eye-opener for me when I was asked if this applied and at the time it did – does it resonate for you?
“I love you, but I would just love you more if you were more like me!” Your child or teen is their own person, not a Mini-Me.
The key is really feeling the feels and not just paying lip service to it. Loving from your heart and it really showing in your eyes.
Key Learning Three – YOU ARE THE ADULT.
One of the best bits of advice I had was to “Be neutral (like Switzerland!)” I do not have to have a view on everything. Mostly listening attentively and letting your Tricky Person work it through themselves is best. And if I do have a contradictory view as my dad always says to me “It’s not what you say, it is the way that you say it.”
I so loved this advice that I turned it into a Handy Affirmation – BE # NEUTRAL # BE # SWITZERLAND – and I use it often to remind me to be the adult or to take the higher ground.
Focusing on your Tricky Relationship is part of the 6 Proven Steps to Connecting Heartfully
The Heartfulness Coach
PS – I have some other brilliant Handy Affirmations like “Rich#In#Every#Way” to help you tap into your creative power. Click here to get your free Handy Affirmation Wallpapers – one for every day of the week.